This Is The #1 Cause Of Addiction In Women (And What You Can Do About It) | Doug Bopst

In a recent conversation on my channel, I welcomed Doug Bopst to talk honestly about addiction, recovery, and the unlikely catalyst that saved his life: exercise. Doug’s story cuts through common assumptions about willpower and moral failing. It’s a lived example of how trauma, connection (or lack of it), and environment shape addictive behaviors — and how practical tools like fitness, therapy, community, and faith can turn a life around.

Why addiction often starts: the loneliness behind the behaviors

Doug and I both come from backgrounds shaped by instability. Growing up with fractured family dynamics or an alcoholic parent creates a void that many of us instinctively try to fill. Doug described that perfectly: early friendships became the place to search for connection and identity, even when those friendships pushed destructive behaviors.

When people feel unseen, unlovable, or chronically stressed, substances and behaviors that numb the pain become attractive. Addiction often begins as an attempt to fit in or to escape—then becomes a trap that creates more pain and isolation. That pattern is especially important to recognize in women, who may internalize shame and use substances or behaviors to manage difficult emotions.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and the nervous system

Childhood trauma conditions the autonomic nervous system to be hypervigilant. As Doug and I discussed, that state of “normal” stress makes it hard for the body to relax or to accept safety. Rewiring that response requires both self-awareness and practical, repeated steps that convince your body it is safe again.

“I was in the depths of despair... there were nights where I would crush up like a line of oxycodone and a line of coke and I would be like I wonder if I snorted this and I didn't wake up.”

How exercise became the turning point

Doug’s life changed inside a jail cell when his cellmate Eric introduced him to fitness. At first Doug was skeptical and physically unable to do basic movements. But those tiny wins — a single knee push-up, then two, then more — unlocked something profound.

“Nothing compares to how good I felt after being able to do a single push-up. It was the catalyst for everything that I do now.”

Why did exercise work? Because exercise:

• reconnects you to your body and emotions;

• teaches you to tolerate discomfort in a safe, productive way;

• builds small, repeatable wins that create belief in change;

• channels anger, anxiety, and grief into purposeful action;

• develops discipline and the “show up anyway” muscle that generalizes to life.

From survival to growth

Initially, Doug used fitness as a survival tool to replace substances. As he progressed, the goals shifted — from simply staying alive to sculpting a future, then to digging into the deeper emotional work that exercise alone couldn’t fix. That is an important trajectory: fitness can be a catalyst, but long-term healing often requires therapy, forgiveness, and relationship work.

External validation — the hidden cage

Doug was brutally honest about chasing looks, attention, and approval even after he transformed physically. External validation can feel powerful and fleeting. When your self-worth hinges on how others see you, even the healthiest habits can morph into compulsions.

Recognize the difference between healthy motivation and a need for validation:

• Healthy: exercising because you want longevity, energy, and mental clarity.

• Unhealthy: extreme dieting, constant body checking, or social media attention-seeking to feel lovable.

If you notice that your identity or happiness depends on external feedback, seek help — therapy, coaching, or community support — to rebuild internal validation.

Healing the past: therapy, forgiveness, and homeostasis

Doug’s fitness success revealed a deeper truth: looking fit didn’t automatically resolve the childhood wounds he carried. He described how therapy helped him understand homeostasis — how his body had adapted to living in a state of chronic stress — and why he needed to relearn what “normal” felt like.

Key steps Doug took:

• started therapy and processed childhood trauma;

• had difficult conversations with his parents, including apologies and vulnerability;

• began a faith practice that formed a spiritual framework for hope and meaning;

• continued physical training while also rebuilding relationships.

Practical steps to stop addictive patterns and cultivate resilience

Here are the concrete, evidence-informed steps Doug and I recommend — practical actions anyone can start today.

1. Master the basics first:

   prioritize sleep, hydration, protein, fiber, and consistent strength training. These fundamentals give the biggest return on investment for mood, metabolism, and resilience.

2. Move your body regularly:

   strength training is essential — it preserves muscle, supports metabolic health, and yields mental benefits. Even short, consistent sessions beat sporadic extremes.

3. Start small and celebrate micro-wins:

   a single push-up or a five-minute walk matters. Wins build belief.

4. Assess your social environment:

   evaluate friend groups that normalize unhealthy behaviors. Seek peers who support growth rather than enabling destruction.

5. Practice self-awareness:

   journaling, therapy, or a trusted coach can help you notice when you’re chasing external validation.

6. Use exercise to process emotion — not as the only answer:

   fitness helps you tolerate discomfort, but combine it with therapy, community, and if helpful, faith or spiritual practices.

7. When to get professional help:

   if substances are controlling your life, or if you’re trading one compulsion for another, seek professional addiction treatment or mental health care.

Strength training: what it really means and why it matters

We talked in depth about strength training techniques and myths. A few key points for women (and men):

• Women will not get “bulky” from strength training — the hormonal reality makes that unlikely unless intentionally pursued.

• Train to near-failure across a full range of motion. “Near failure” means pushing close to your max for a set of reps, not risking injury under a barbell you can’t lift.

• Mind-muscle connection matters. Slower, controlled repetitions that focus on the target muscle produce better results than rushing through reps with momentum.

• Strength training preserves muscle mass with age, protects metabolism, and dramatically supports mental health.

Simple strength session template

• Warm-up (5–10 minutes): dynamic mobility and light movement.

• Compound lifts (3–4 movements): squats/hinges + push + pull — 3 sets of 6–12 reps, near-failure on the last 1–2 reps.

• Accessory work (1–2 movements): single-joint focus for 2–3 sets of 8–15 reps.

• Cool-down / mobility and breathing for recovery.

Faith, abundance mindset, and the neurobiology of healing

Doug spoke openly about how faith — both religious and spiritual practices — gave him an anchor beyond himself. Faith helped shift his mindset from scarcity and fear to one of hope and possibility.

There’s also a neurobiological story here: abundance and connection are linked to oxytocin and safety, while scarcity and fear increase cortisol and keep the nervous system defensive. Practices that build connection — community, therapy, meaningful work, and consistent ritual (exercise, prayer, meditation) — help rewire the brain toward resilience.

“Faith is everything. Believing that when you're in the thick of darkness, if you keep moving forward and keep doing the right thing, eventually you will see light.”

For more information, watch this youtube video:

Where to find more from Doug Bopst:

Doug’s story and ongoing work are available at his website and podcast. If his journey resonates, his platforms offer more depth and practical strategies:

• Website: dougbopst.com

• Podcast: The Adversity Advantage (available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube)

• Instagram: @dougb