I am sincerely honored to connect with Walter Green today.
Walter served as the Board Chairman and CEO of Harrison Conference Services for 25 years and played a significant role in the Young Presidents Organisation. Since selling his company, he has dedicated himself to supporting various nonprofits, focusing on education and health for the underserved.
Walter’s work is powerfully inspiring. I initially heard him on one of Peter Attia’s podcasts, which moved me so profoundly that I shared it with anyone willing to listen. In our conversation today, Walter shares his background and we discuss how I took purposeful action after hearing him talk on the podcast. We dive into gender socialization and emotional expression, the value of authenticity and integrity, the concept of saying it now, and the importance of intentionality and boundaries. We also discuss crucial elements of making meaningful connections, cultivating deep, authentic friendships, and transforming our lives to become agents of change.
Having this conversation with Walter was invaluable for me, and I have no doubt you will also love it.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL LEARN:
Reflecting on his 60 years of marriage, Walter highlights the importance of deep passion and respect in enduring relationships.
Walter offers his perspective on authenticity and openness in relationships, emphasizing the importance of being true to yourself.
How Walter values authenticity in his relationships and finds it hard to be open and vulnerable with those who are not candid and authentic
How Walter’s career in finance influenced his relationships
Walter talks about gratitude and shares how at the age of 71, he shared stories with people he loved on Zoom, inspiring the Say It Now movement.
Walter shares his journey of intentional living, explaining the importance of thinking backward and aligning your actions with your ideal outcomes.
Why it is essential to consider the context of every decision you make in all aspects of life
The importance of finding your purpose and living in the present
The benefits of developing deep and long-lasting relationships
How to identify those who have made a difference in your life
Walter discusses love languages, sharing the importance of understanding how others prefer to receive love and affection.
"I love asking other individuals how they are able to create healthy boundaries, because it's something that both men and women seem to struggle with, especially for those of us that maybe grew up being a people pleaser, where were always checking in with everyone else instead of what needed to happen for us."
-Walter Green
Connect with Cynthia Thurlow
Follow on Twitter
Check out Cynthia’s website
Submit your questions to support@cynthiathurlow.com
Connect with Walter Green
On This Is the Moment website (For Walter’s book)
Walter’s Ted Talk: Why We Should Eulogize the Living
Peter Attia’s Podcast: The impact of gratitude, serving others, embracing mortality, and living intentionally with Walter Green
Transcript:
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:00:02] Welcome to Everyday Wellness podcast. I'm your host, Nurse Practitioner Cynthia Thurlow. This podcast is designed to educate, empower, and inspire you to achieve your health and wellness goals. My goal and intent is to provide you with the best content and conversations from leaders in the health and wellness industry each week and impact over a million lives.
[00:00:29] Today, I had the honor of connecting with Walter Green. He was the Chairman of the Board and CEO of Harrison Conference Services for 25 years. He's been active for years in the Young President's Organization, and since selling his company, he has devoted himself to supporting various nonprofits with a focus on education and health for the underserved. I first heard Walter and his work on Peter Attia's podcast, and I listened not once, not twice, but three times. I was so moved by his message that I shared the podcast with my entire team, my husband, and any friend that was willing to hear me out. His work is so impactful, and I know our conversation today will be impactful for you as well.
[00:01:12] We discussed his background, how I took inspired action after listening to his conversation on Peter's podcast, how genders are socialized into suppressing or expressing their emotions, the value of authenticity, candor, and integrity, the concept of saying it now, the value of intentionality and boundaries, key elements of creating meaningful connections and cultivating deep, authentic friendships, agents of change and how we can help shift our lives. I found this to be an invaluable conversation, as I know you will as well.
[00:01:49] Well, I'd love to start the conversation. You know, you have an incredible trajectory of your life. It's clear that your choice of partner has had a huge impact on your life. And so, I would love for you to really start the conversation giving us a bit about your background, which is significant, but also the role of being a parent and having a successful marriage throughout your life. How much that has made an impact on who you are today.
Walter Green: [00:02:18] Well, to set the stage, I hadn't realized that the viewers and listeners were already in our conversation, so my hope is that I can share something that could inspire them to maybe enrich their lives with just an idea too. I want to be clear upfront. I know you've had very thoughtful scientists and medical people who are all research based, but you're talking to a gentleman today who is all life experience based. So, I want to make sure your listeners know that my observations and my wisdom come from my experiences in my life, not that I am a student of research on this subject. So, to give you a little thumbnail sketch, I think I perceived my life in essentially three stages. The first one was really all about really trying to find myself. I lived in 16 different homes by the time I was 28. All kinds of reasons for all that moving around.
[00:03:20] I finally found a career for the next stage in which I tried to make it so that I could provide for my family and hopefully have something left for others that was interesting enough. As I look at it, they're kind of like 28-year stages. I now almost finished with my third stage. So this one, I really have become myself. And I think I've allowed myself to really have the freedom to find the alignment with things that gave me great personal satisfaction. So, I know some of my dear friends are probably wondering why I'm doing what I'm doing at 85 years old, but I find it very fulfilling. So, more specifically, to your point that you will hear from our conversations today and from everything in my life that I went back and I actually did a project for one of my sons who I thought it'd be about time for me to do a little autobiography. So, he knows when I pass, what kind of life I've led in a little more detail. He said, “Well, I'd rather have a summary of your highs and lows in your life and what you've learned from each.”
[00:04:34] And so I undertook that project. No small project, very interesting project, however. And to your point, I think there were 45 highs and lows. I did it when I was 83 years old. And in reflecting on that, 29 of those were related to relationships. So, when somebody finds my DNA, it's all going to be about my relationships. And I'm not here to outline all the elements of a successful marriage, but just to say that I was lucky enough to find somebody when I was 23 years old, and we've had 60 years of marriage together, and that, you know, it's really, I do think one thing is maybe a little interest in that is there's, you really don't marry a person, and your partner doesn't marry a person. I think without getting into details, I probably had six versions of my wife over these years, and she's had an equal or greater number of me.
[00:05:43] So, you really have to have that very deep passion, attraction, respect that can carry you through all these different versions. So, I'm happy to report that I did. We have a set of twin sons, very proud of them, proud of what they're doing, proud of who they become. And I have a couple grandchildren, so the most immediate family, that's the family, but I have a very large family of important relationships that extend beyond my immediate family, which include my dear friends, my members of a group that I call the forum, and also a couple handfuls of mentees that are like family to me.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:06:26] You sound like you've had a very blessed life in terms of the value of those relationships. I oftentimes will say to people that, “I am nothing without my family,” because those relationships really are at the root of everything that I do in terms of being purposeful and thoughtful. And one thing that struck me as I was learning about your work and learning more about you is a lot of the social conditioning for men and women. I'm the mother of all boys for full transparency and how I think that in many ways, men are conditioned to suppress their emotions. It's expected for women to potentially be emotional or have an easier time expressing how they feel. And you brought up in some of your work about this 2009 study that was done at George Mason University, indicating that men are less likely to feel and express gratitude than women. Why do you think for you, it has seemingly been an easier task or something that perhaps you have evolved from what is at the root or the basis of that for you?
Walter Green: [00:07:37] Yeah. So, once again, I'll declare myself. I was just referring to a study which I think probably reinforced what everybody knows. And I guess that's a really interesting question, Cynthia. I think I come at it from authenticity. I find it very hard to be authentic if you are not open. So, I don't think I begin by saying, “Gee, I'd like to be an open human being.” I just think in my relationships, I expect an integrity and I expect a candor and a humanness, and as I say authenticity. So that kind of leads me to be open. There's just no other outcome from that experience. And as I think back in my life, I don't really compare myself to others, or more men do this or more men do that. I think there's enough people in this world to be attracted to people who have that inclination. And I don't think it's for anybody to say, “It would better if you did this.” I know it's better for me if I can have authentic relationships.
[00:08:48] And that's basically all I have time for. I don't have time for the other. I often say, “I have a lot of friends, but they don't call me to go to the bar and have a drink.” I've never in my life been called up to say, “Hey, Walter, come on, I got a couple hours. Let's go sit at the bar and chit chat.” No one calls me for that. Honest to God, I don't think I've ever been at a bar. But if somebody has an issue in their life, or somebody wants to talk about something that's really important to them, what I'm flattered by is that I'm often the very early person, maybe the first person they call and for me, that's perfect.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:09:23] Well, and it sounds as if you really appreciate substance over superficiality. And I think in a world where in many instances, superficiality seems to be at the crux of most relationships, it sounds like you endeavor to create more in depth, more impactful, as you mentioned, more authentic connections with individuals as opposed to superficial ones. Do you feel that because of your success in business, that allowed you to permit yourself the opportunity to allow this to evolve within your interpersonal relationships and not just within your business world?
Walter Green: [00:10:00] I think you go back to people who knew me in the middle of my business career, would say, “I'm the same guy.” I may have had a different focus, was trying to make a living. Now, fortunately, don't need to make a living, but at that time, my focus was on it. But as I was thinking, back when I was a young, oh, I think I was 27 years old, maybe 26, I was a controller of a very large hotel company called Royal Orleans hotel in New Orleans. I was brought down there because they had accounting problems. I had been in CPA for three years and I thought this might be a fun industry to be in. And I never found the numbers that fascinating. But I was responsible for the finances. So, I ended up teaching a course to the housekeepers and the chef and the staff, the maintenance people, about how to read financial statements. That was like the most fun part of my job. So, wherever I found myself, I adapted that situation to fit me as well as I could at the time.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:11:08] I think that in many ways, that's one of those survival mechanisms, meaning that it allows us to adapt to our environment in a way that we can continue having success. And where did the concept of “Say It Now,” when did that become part of your messaging and a life passion for you? The concept of eulogizing the living and not waiting until there's been an accident or some untoward thing has happened in order to express how much you appreciate and value the relationship with them?
Walter Green: [00:11:39] Yeah. So, to “Say It Now” is the latest iteration of something that probably had its early impact. When I was just a 17-year-old and got a call at the University of Michigan to come home, my father wasn't doing well. In fact, he had died. And so that was really a shock. Although he had a heart attack six years before, he was only 53. And all of a sudden, the realization of not only the impact on my life, but how unpredictable life is. And that coupled with the fact that I had moved around so much and never really had any relationships, it wasn't until I was really 50 that I decided to gather my five closest friends and really bring them to a weekend in New York so I could publicly acknowledge what they had been to me, what they had meant to me. I just thought that was an-- I was so blessed that I wanted to shout from the top of the rooftops the joy that I had from the benefit of those relationships.
[00:12:36] As evolved, I became a little bit more sensitive in the following years to funerals by some of the leading people and the unbelievable tributes paid to them. And this was like a wakeup call. Like, “Oh, my God. Wouldn't have been good if that man could have heard it or that woman could have heard everything they said.” I thought that didn't make any sense and so fast forward to my 70th. At that point, I said, “I'm lucky to be alive at 70.” I always thought I was going to live till 53. So now I'm 70. I asked Lola, my wife, for a gift to be able to travel around the United States and abroad to sit down with everybody had been important, and it was a very intentional, very deliberate, individual act where I told each person on that journey what they had meant to me, that propelled this book called This Is the Moment! which got a lot of publicity. And then I spoke on the subject, and then I realized, “You know what? I can't believe this. This is really actually new. This is a new idea. We've been around for many, many, many decades, but people are responding. Oh, my God. I had never thought of that. It really makes a lot of sense.”
[00:13:42] And so kind of fast forward to the pandemic. And I thought, “Well, maybe this is going to have to have a pause.” And my son actually said, “Dad, you don't need to pause. You can really use Zoom.” And out of that became a combination of, I spent 30 years in the conference center business, and so the idea of bringing a group together, honor an individual, either by surprise or by intention, began to ‘Say It Now’ movement. And then when I was really just two years ago, after the pandemic, it really wouldn't go away. And it became something that I said to myself, “I'm around an 85. I'm going to be 85 whether I do this or not. So why don't we give it a shot?” And so, I decided to make a major commitment to this concept of ‘Say It Now.’ And the underlying principle is, none of us are self-made. I'll guarantee no viewers of yours, no listeners of yours, no one I've ever met can ever tell me that they've been self-made.
[00:14:46] So the next question, “Is that person still alive?” And the next question is, “Have you said to that person what that person has meant to you?” The answer, in most cases is, “I am not self-made. There are people alive, and I have not said it. And as a matter of fact, it's worse than that. I have regrets for the fact that people are no longer here who've had an impact on my life, and I failed to tell them what they meant to me.” So rather than try and work with my contemporaries, which requires certain unlearning, Cynthia, that they're just used to showing up at funerals. They're just used to going to celebrations of life. And to your point, whether it's a woman or a man, they're just used to waiting till a person goes to go up and make these remarkable tributes. I said, “Rather than try and unlearn my contemporaries and teach them something new, why don't I begin my efforts with those who haven't learned anything yet?”
[00:15:48] So, I went primarily to the 7th through 12th graders, and in the first year, the program has now been taught in 40,000 schools in 78 countries. My goal for last year was I wanted to see if I can influence 1 million expressions of gratitude. And as of the end of February, we crossed 2 million expressions. So, I am hopeful that the younger people will be able to demonstrate with the people who have been important in their lives just how meaningful it can be to hear that we made a difference. Because at the end of the day, families, friends, whatever, we really want to know we made a difference. And the only way we're going to learn that is if people express it.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:16:41] It's such a beautiful sentiment.
Walter Green: [00:16:43] That's the evolution of ‘Say It Now.’ And I don't want to get ahead of my skis, but I have been inspired that this month, my goal in the next 12 months is that we will inspire an additional 6 million expressions of gratitude. So, I've got my work cut out for me. I hope your listeners will help me out.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:17:03] Absolutely. I'm curious, when you were 70 and you traveled across the United States and expressed gratitude to these special people throughout your lifetime, how was that received? Were people surprised? Were people open? How did those conversations go?
Walter Green: [00:17:20] Well, I'm back with my contemporaries primarily. I think they were, oh, I think the age range of I was 70. I think the youngest might have been 50, the oldest maybe 90. So, I didn't just show up on their doorsteps Cynthia. [Cynthia laughs] I called and I said, “I really wanted to take time at this stage of my life to come and express to you whenever I was calling what you mean to me.” And I would say, “If not everybody, almost everybody said, “Walter, are you okay? Really.” Then I said, “Yeah, I'm fine. I just want to do this.” And they said, “You're okay. Really, you're okay. Really, you're okay.” So, they all anticipated that I was, as anybody else would normally do. The custom would be, must be, he's dying. And that's why he's trying to let me know that I'm important to him. Wasn't the case at all. And so, I had to get over that with each of those calls. But I would say out of the 44, and I don't want your listeners or viewers to be saying, “I'm not going to do it because I don't have 44.” I only ask if you have one to think about doing just that one. In any case, almost all the 44 welcomed it. One person I remember distinctly said, “I don't need it he said.” And our mutual friend said, “This is not for you, this is for Walter.” He readily acknowledged that and we had a wonderful conversation. And the fact is, we got a lot out of it.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:18:51] I bet to me, it's such a powerfully simple concept, but one that is so soul searching and soul reaching for individuals to acknowledge something as simple as a kindness. I started making a list after the third time I listened to that podcast, and it brought up so many amazing memories throughout my lifetime. People I had perhaps forgotten about, not purposefully, but as we get busy in our day to day. And as I mentioned at the very beginning of this conversation, I thought back to people that really changed the trajectory of my life. The professor who leaned over and said, “What are you doing sitting in pre-med classes? What are your intentions? What do you want to do?” And then that led to other decisions that I made. Things that they may have gone about their day not even realizing that their little bit of advice or their comment completely shifted my entire perspective and trajectory of my life.
[00:19:48] Now, when we're talking about gratitude and intentionality, I think it goes without saying that we have to be conscientious about our time and our attention and creating boundaries. And is that something that has gotten easier for you as you have grown throughout your lifetime? Is it easier to say no to some things now than it would have been 20 or 30 years ago? How can listeners appreciate and understand the value of healthy boundaries in our personal or professional relationships?
Walter Green: [00:20:23] Yeah. Before I answer that question, because I think it's a really good question, I want to just say so many times what you just said, Cynthia, about people who have impacted your life are totally unaware of the impact that they have. So, you're carrying this gift with you that if it is not expressed, they will never know. And there are so many examples, without getting into detail, of people who die feeling they've never made any difference with people. And the reason for that is others have not told them. That's why they feel that way. And it can be that incidental remark, or it could be a lifetime of just shared experiences that were enriched by that person being on your life journey with you. There are all kinds of ways of impacting our lives. And I just wanted to make the mechanics for a moment a little easier. And that is, I took out basically the same yellow pad, and I asked the question, “What difference did this person really make in my life?” I didn't begin by saying, “I want to go see him.” I asked the question, “What difference did Chuck make, or Andrew, or Jason, or Lola, or whatever?”
[00:21:30] And then I would write down the bullet points of what those impacts were. And I looked at the legal pad, I said, “I've got to go get see. I've got to see that person.” And then when I visited with them, I shared, I brought with me the notes. I didn't want to miss any. So, I just want to kind of make that-- sometimes people get a little intimidated by, “Oh, my God, this must be very difficult to do, the emotional makeup and how do you prepare?” It is so easy to do. So, I just wanted to make sure your listeners got a view of that. Now back to the intentionality. One of the people on my journey was a man who influenced my thinking more than anybody else in my whole life. And what he taught me to do, which I've shared with many, many. many people over the last 40 or 50 years, is that essentially, I think, backwards. So I don't, for example, think about in our conversation today, “What will we do?” I think about, “Well, what would I like to have happen in this conversation with Cynthia?” She's got listeners who want to get just a little enrichment in their lives. So why don't you begin, Walter, by saying, “You hope to be able to give them an idea or two to enrich their lives.”
[00:22:49] Now, no matter what Cynthia asks you, your answers will be geared to that intentionality. I do that, Cynthia, for everything, and I've done it for 40 years. And so, I rarely ask myself, “What will I do?” And I know everybody and many people are thinking about transitions, that they were in one stage of their life. And the typical question is, “Oh, my God, what will I do?” All I can say is, I never ask that question. I always ask myself, “If I position myself for a meaningful life. And I used to use five years when I had, hopefully five years.” Now it's down to a year, but most people can still use three to five years. The point is, try and get out of what you currently are doing and think about the ideal outcomes, not just for the specific question, but to think about all dimensions of your life, be they finances, personal relationships, spirituality, community service.
[00:23:48] Think about what would ideally happen in those realms for you to say, “You got pretty close to an ideal life.” Now to your question, once you get those clarity of the outcomes, you ask me to do something. Is it consistent with getting one of those outcomes? And I am very good about staying with those guardrails. So, it really makes it so much easier. It allows you to feel better about when you say, “No” and it allows you to get more excited when you say, “Yes.” So that's the process. I didn't just decide to be intentional. I had a process of thinking that facilitated my capacity to be intentional. I don't know if that was clear enough, but that's how I got there.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:24:32] And I love hearing other people's processes for how they can be more intentional in their lives, because for most of us, there's so many opportunities, but we can't say yes to everything. And I think the times in my life, in my business where I was saying yes to too much, I ended up not feeling like I was fully in alignment with the goals that I had for myself, personally or professionally. But I now fervently believe that if I am really interested in something, I want to say yes. I usually say, “hell yes,” or it's a “hell no.” And that's how I make most of the decisions for myself at this point in my life. And creating boundaries around time, because there's only a finite amount of time. You know, it's not infinite. I have teenagers at home, one of whom is leaving for college in a couple months, and it just magnifies how quickly time goes.
[00:25:25] And so I love asking other individuals how they are able to create healthy boundaries, because it's something that both men and women seem to struggle with, especially for those of us that maybe grew up being a people pleaser, where were always checking in with everyone else instead of what needed to happen for us. Now, when we're talking about not taking things for granted, what are some of the things that you feel most grateful for at this point in your life? Obviously, having a body of work that's making so much impact, I'm sure has to be top of the list your family, your personal relationships. But what are the things that you feel you're most grateful for at this point in your life?
Walter Green: [00:26:07] Well, let me complete just this one more thought on the previous one. Then I'll move into-
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:26:12] Sure.
Walter Green: [00:26:13] -the question that you asked, and that is that I think often when we make a decision about should we do or not do something, it's looked in the context of one segment of our life. It's either in our profession or what we should do for our family. And I just want to highlight that. I think if you can create this context for your life, and then it allows you to look at every decision really in the context, you may be doing more for your business, but at the same time, you're giving up something on your family. I read recently, I don't want to scare you, but they said that 95% of the time you spend with your children, it's before the age of 19.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:26:51] I read that.
Walter Green: [00:26:53] So, hello. So if somebody wants to know you're going to wait to spend time with the-- I'm not sure that works. But to your point now about gratitude, I think the thing that I would be most grateful for is I've been given some time. There's an expression, I don't even know the exact expression. Something about, “if you've done well, then you should do good.” You know what I mean, “If you've been lucky enough in your business or whatever, then you should do good.” I have another adaptation of that is, “If you've been lucky enough, be given a longer life, please use it well.” There's this expression, I think, I don't know. Well, it helps pass time, just put a knife in my heart. The next time someone says that. The most valuable thing we have we're trying to pass. So, I'm most grateful for the time. I've already spoken to the relationships. I would say, “Take my relationships away, take my life away.” And I would say finally, and I've made it pretty clear to family at the point that I can't be helpful to somebody, is my time to say good night.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:28:02] Having that sense of purpose, I think, for so many of us gives us the ability to continue giving back and being of service to others.
Walter Green: [00:28:10] Yeah. Cynthia, this is another area. I have really no judgment about other people. And I think the value of a conversation is just to highlight that, some of this might be possible in other people's lives. I have a number of friends that are totally consumed by golf and tennis and no judgments around it. That's where they get a lot of satisfaction. And I think the more important thing is for all of us to just, I don't want to say wake up, but that's the words that come to me, kind of wake up and just pay attention to what might be most important to you. And don't assume you're going to have the time. Do not assume you're going to have the time. Now, I recognize it's not just time. People have to have a certain talent, but we all have got different talents, and usually other people will tell you what those talents are or not. And if you have some finances, well, that gives you another dimension too. But it all starts with, are we going to be lucky enough to have the time?
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:29:13] Absolutely. It's interesting my father-in-law, unfortunately, was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 15 months later, but he was only 67. And now that my husband and I are both in our 50s, 67 seems quite young. And so, we have conversations around how grateful we are that we're both healthy and hopeful that we will live a very long life. But it's very sobering when you start to realize that at this stage of life, at least for me, when I reflect back, it's like I feel like I snapped my fingers and I was pregnant with my first child or I just graduated from college. And you start to realize how time is so fleeting. You really have no sense of time when you're younger, and then when you're older, you're very cognizant. I think many of us are very cognizant of it. How do we, as we grow older, wiser, mature, however we want to reframe it? How do we become more aware or more grounded or more insightful about our relationships and who we are as individuals. When you look at your friends and the people that you share this desire to create deep, meaningful relationships with, what helps differentiate them from other people that you have perhaps social relationships with people that you live on your street or maybe go to your church, if you go to church or someone you meet in a restaurant.
Walter Green: [00:30:40] Yeah. So for me, and once again, I speak for me, I've learned a lot over the years about this thing called relationships. I was in an organization, well, several organizations, both charitable, non-charitable, young presidents, chief executives, whole variety of affiliations. And there were really nice people, bright, smart, engaging. And when I saw them, “Oh, my God, bright, smart.” And after seeing them for 10 or 20 years, periodically you begin to think, “Wow, that's a meaningful connection.” Well, guess what? You stop that organization and what happens in the relationship, many cases, most cases go away. So, I'm reminded now that, and it's even work-related people too. I had 1400 employees and I thought after I sold my company, “Oh, my God, this was the most important thing I did for 30 years, I'll have all these continuing relationships.” No, very few. And I spent thousands of hours with these people. So, I think it's important for me if I had a message is, be clear with yourself what an important relationship is for the individual. For me, I get back to what I talked about earlier, so I don't need to repeat what was important to me. And so now I'm more discriminating. Just because I'm in a country club where people are very friendly or whether I'm in some kind of organization, that's fine. But typically, that doesn't meet all the criteria that I have for long lasting relationships. And for me, deep and long lasting is the key.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:32:20] Absolutely. As I was going through the exercise of writing down people I was grateful for, what struck me was how fortunate I have been throughout my life to have a group of girlfriends I've been friends with since elementary school and middle school, even transcending a lot of the relationships I had in college and how I can call them any time of the day or night if I need someone to listen. But I acknowledge that in many other instances, through their trajectory of getting married, being in a very social neighborhood, just becoming friends with other parents whose kids had the same interests or were on the same teams or attended the same schools, and reflecting now as my kids have gotten older, how many of those people were-- I mean, I always have the best of intentions, but how many of those people was I ever really close to. And so, I think for so many of us, we're flying at 30,000ft. It's this very kind of kind, but superficial relationships, and it's the ones that are more substantive, where people really get to know you as an individual or you really get to share something deep and meaningful and you acknowledge that you're really blessed if you have a few of those individuals in your lifetime.
[00:33:38] And as you stated, and this is one of the reasons why I wanted to bring you on the podcast, is that everyone that's listening probably has 5, 10 people throughout their lifetime that may be completely unaware of the kind of impact they made on their lives. And it could make all the difference in just reaching out and acknowledging to them. Now, when we think about people that have been agents of change or people that have helped change the trajectory of our lives, what are some of the ways when you're talking to people or working with people to help them identify who these individuals are? If there's someone listening and saying, “Oh gosh, I can't even think of five.” But what is one of the exercises that you utilize or you encourage people to undergo to help identify who these individuals might be?
Walter Green: [00:34:26] Yeah. So once again, I like to take complicated and try and make it pretty straightforward. [Cynthia laughs] First of all, a message for you. There are not many people that have childhood friends that still have the importance. So, I am absolutely certain they know that you care for them, but they have no idea the impact they've had on your life. I'm not an envious person, but I guess if I was an envious person, I'm very envious. I can't think of anybody I met before I was 18 years old. So, you're rich and kind of the obligation that comes from that is that you don't miss this opportunity. As far as others are concerned. I would be a little-- I just want to, once again, just the beginning question is, “Who helped you along the way? Who made a real difference to you? Who is making a real difference?” And for me, there's a little difference in long-term relationships and impact. Mine really was about impact. Several of the 44 were not people that I was in regular touch with, but my life would not have been what it was, but for them.
[00:35:37] And so those are the people that I chose to recognize. And obviously my close friends were all in that category, but there were many that were not close friends. They were major impacts along the way. It wasn't hard to think about who those people are. We all know, we all really do know. So, it's a little bit like you walk into a closet and the light is out. And for most of us, our light is out. So I say, “Bring a flashlight in with you, turn it on and ask yourself, who's in here that's made a difference in my life.” You can find them. They're there. It may be one or two or three or five. Then I would just repeat myself, “Don't make this too complicated.” Just take out a legal pad or a piece of paper and ask yourself, “What difference did that person really make in my life?” Now, if it wasn't anything significant, go on to somebody else. But if it was, don't just stop with the pad. Pick it up, call, visit, contact, do something. There have been hundreds of thousands of people who have done this. I would now say millions. So, they would have never thought of it. It is not difficult. I have a website called justsayitnow.org. And there's some suggestions if you're going to write a letter or whatever, but you really don't even need to go to the website. But if you want to, it's meant to help people get started.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:37:02] I think it's such an important way to acknowledge the people in your life. And even in your book you talk about This Is the Moment! and why this movement has been so important and impactful for you. I would just love to take a few minutes to tie up the conversation and talk a little bit about love languages. I know this is something that is different for each one of us. I'm curious to know if your love language is the affirmation, the acknowledgement of those connections. For other people, it can show up as acts of service or physical touch. And for all of us that are listening, it's probably very different. But I'm curious where you kind of fall on the love language trajectory in terms of how you demonstrate that you care or love someone.
Walter Green: [00:37:51] Yeah. Okay, so there are two sides to that. The first one I could answer with great authority, which is, “How does someone show their love to me?” That wasn't the question you asked. It was, “How do I express it to others?” Let me answer your question first, which is, I try and learn what seems to be the more appreciated by the other person, understanding that everybody likes different things. And so, I think it's part of being mindful, it's part of being thoughtful, it's part of being loving. What is to think about it, you want to get somebody a really nice present, but presents don't seem to be that important to the person. Well, you might want to try doing something else for that person other than a material gift. So, there's a good book on that subject. And I think you probably suggested that to many of your listeners because it's The Five Love Languages. But for me, if somebody wants to show their love to me, just let me know that I've made a difference in your life.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:38:54] Wow. What a beautiful conversation. Thank you so much, Walter. I'm so very grateful for your time today. I would love for you to share with listeners how to connect with you, how to watch your TED talk, which was fantastic, by the way, purchase your book, or learn more about your website.
Walter Green: [00:39:10] Thank you. My website, I think, has that information. San Diego TED talk with Walter Green. There's a podcast you mentioned with Peter Attia, and there's other information on the website for people who are interested in book that I had written on my journey. Well, This Is the Moment! and I want to thank you personally for the work that you're doing, for the impact that you're having on people's lives. And I do hope today that your listeners have just one idea, maybe to enrich their lives. And our time has been well spent, and I want to thank you for your time.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:39:47] Absolutely. Thank you so much.
Walter Green: [00:39:49] Have a great day.
Cynthia Thurlow: [00:39:52] If you love this podcast episode, please leave a rating and review, subscribe and tell a friend.
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